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It’s an unstoppable cycle – I can’t prevent myself spending, no matter how much willpower I summon, I just can’t do it. I even held my purse to the heavens and shouted ‘By the power of Greyskull’ (true story), but alas no luck.

This month was even worse. I bought shoes AND a new laptop, so guess what? I’m broke! Can’t even get my normal food shop in. Oh Tremaine, you are a fool. It’s happened before and I had to resort to asking my parents like a spoilt brat.

But this month will be different; I’ve made a conscious decision to give myself a bit of a booster and look into payday loans. They seem safer than getting out a credit card and I know I can pay them off right away.

Plus, now I get to force myself to do some budgeting – first thing: NO SHOES. Second thing: sell my old laptop. Third thing: do more work. It’s all well and good being a freelancer but it’s very much a get-paid-for-what-you-do deal, so if I’m being lazy, I get less than when I’m actually being pro-active. Makes sense I guess.

So next month, after I’ve paid back my loan, I’m going to create some sort of positive-reinforcement device to convince me that I don’t need shoes. In fact, my next blog post is going to be an exploration into how I could actually achieve this… diagrams and all. Bet you can’t wait!

(forewarning – I have a poor grasp of science)

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I've never heard of this game but this is how I feel.

So as you all know, well the seldom few that might accidentally fall on this blog and wonder who on earth this odd person is, I’m currently a freelance copywriter (well, just a freelancer in general, really). What does this mean? That I’m a free spirit without a care in the world? That I can wake up whenever I want and swan around instead of doing work? That I’ll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my snuggie? That I get to limit the amount of work I do at any given time?

Well no, apart from that last bit, which is true. You see, whilst I might not earn as much as some cigar-chomping exec sitting in a sky-scraping rotating tower block, I have enough. I even pull some shifts at a local coffee shop for a bit of pocket money (ask for the millionaire macchiato – it’s divine!) so you know, I’m not struggling and am happy enough.

You get some weird looks when you say that you’re a freelancer – people think you’re some sort of wandering nomad without a cause – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes I feel like an agent doing secret missions (but believe me, it’s nothing special) and that my laptop is my weapon, which I carry pretty much everywhere.

Maybe I should get a permanent job, but there’s good money to be had in freelancing – yes, you are judged on your effort and deadlines are rigid, but it’s pretty fun, interesting and you can work to your own schedule. The only downside is that I have become bizarrely lazy and really need to start complimenting my work schedule with an exercise regime.

But then they call. The two names that make my heart flutter and my stomach despair.

Ben. And. Jerry.

Nooooo.... 'one more spoon' is NEVER ENOUGH.

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Well, I do apologise for going away for a bit there – got a bit caught up in all the festivities and due to a strict diet of mulled wine and toffees, have gained a fair bit of christmas weight.

So anyway, how was your New Year? Mine was surprisingly non-evil and involved few glass slippers and pumpkin carriages, but we did nearly burn the house down thanks to a few poorly-handled sparklers.

As we crash our way into 2012, what can we expect to see ahead of us? Well, first and foremost is the predicted apocalypse, but that’s not for a dozen months or so, so we can just ignore that for the time being. Then there’s the excitement of the Olympic Games to be held in the nearby (for me, anyway) city of London – I’m honestly not too bothered about it, seems like a lot of money and planning but I can see the relevance and importance.

So what things aren’t we going to see changing? Well, the first thing that springs to mind is the still ever-present annoyance of junk mail and spam – I thought I had been spared over the festive period, but I guess the postman was just waiting as I received a huuuge pile of take-away menus, vouchers that I’m never going to use (1/3 off hammers! It’s everything i could ask for!) and some mysterious envelopes called ‘Bills’ that I unsuccesfully tried to ignore.

And it’s not just my postbox that’s been affected, there’s also my poor e-mail inbox that has received a similar amount of useless mail from spammers. Thankfully, there were some genuinely good deals coming through to my main inbox, likely generated by genuine companies using email marketing software, and I ended up spending a good amount of my Christmas money.

Unfortunately, this has simply led to an expanding waist, heavier bin bag and sadly, a significantly lighter purse. Having said that, I did buy some of the best shoes I’ve ever seen, so I can’t complain too much!

Oh, I should probably have an idea here, because that’s why I’m here. Hmm…. Ooh, I know: maybe it’s time to clear your e-mail inbox, start anew, set up filters and…. nope, all I can think about is shoes. Buy shoes, that’s my idea.

For me, I mean. Buy them for me. Do it.

Please?

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I must admit, I own my fair share of high heels, amongst my mountain of ladies shoes, although some of them rarely see the light of day nowadays! I am now a wearer of the mid-heel, those shoes that are neither high nor low, but I don’t really see anything wrong with that. I wear my mid-heels with pride!

After years of experience I have finally found that, apart from the mid-heel, I am also able to wear the strappy heel and the ankle boot, both of which play an important role in my shoe wardrobe. Comfortable fitting shoes doesn’t automatically translate to ugly shoes though, since you can even find gargantuan heels that fit well and don’t fall of your feet the first step you take.

I’ve noticed that many of my female friends have started to feel the same as me about high heels as they’ve grown older and feel that they have been consigned to frumpy flats or, god forbid, Crocs (no hard feelings if any readers wear them – I just can’t stand them!). I almost fell into the same trap for a while but managed to do a quick U-turn just in time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some kind of shoe hater. I love shoes! I repeatedly find myself wandering zombie-like into the shoe department when out clothes shopping, and it’s always those shockingly high heels that I gaze at longingly.

I never buy them though, but that isn’t because I don’t want to – trust me, I want to! It’s just that I know what kind of shoes will be comfortable on my feet, and for me, in a battle of comfort and fashion, comfort always wins.

It may sound like a very motherly thing to say, but finding a comfy pair of high heels is incredibly important, and they really do exist. Just as you should never try to shoehorn your feet into a pair of heels two sizes too small, you shouldn’t let them float around in a pair that scrapes the back of your foot.

Or you’ll end up with feet like this!

One of the most important things to remember is that if your shoes don’t fit, you will end up with blisters and the walking style of a newborn deer. Sure, you could just take them off but unless you’ve managed to commandeer a friend to give you a piggy-back, you’re going to end up picking bits of gravel out of your feet!

This time it’s about vacuuming! But Tremaine, you ask, what could you possibly have to argue about vacuuming? Oh, just about everything.

It would also appear that no one in stock photos has any idea how to use one...

I don’t know if it’s something engrained in me from a traumatic experience as a child like an evil vacuum hoovering up my cuddly toys or I was a dog in a past life, but I just can’t stand them! Hairdryers are fine, desk fans fine, but vacuums… NOT OKAY.

Now this is not to say that I live in a dusty cobweb-filled cave, no no no! I have a lovely clean flat in the city and regularly broom around, though I’d prefer to have a maid like the real Tremaine (but that would just end in glass slippers, pumpkins and princes).

So what’s got me fuming today? It’s one particular vacuum cleaner in general; one that I use every day at the end of work and always mocks me with it’s sarcastic, evil grin.

He can see into your soul, you know?

Yes, the Henry Hoover - I have no actual gripes with the functionality, it’s a flippin good model! It’s just… that face. I’m tired Henry, it’s the end of a hard day – stop smiling at me, please have some sympathy. You know I fell up the stairs and scraped my shin and yet there you are… eternally smiling. Why are you so happy?! WHY?! YOU’RE FULL OF DIRT.

If anyone can tell me why Henry is so happy, please let me know. And don’t tell me I’m going mad – I’ve already contacted Lionsgate films to pitch a Saw-themed horror film with Henry as the villain.

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I only wish I could get that kind of volume

I’m 24 years old, living in the UK, not entirely content with my situation but I’m coping. Graduated from university in 2009 with a degree in IT, though my real passion is writing, and I’m currently working on a zombie-based novella (because there just aren’t enough!)

I’m currently slaving away in a coffee shop (it’s a fairly well-known one, as you might be able to tell from the link!) whilst trying to support a family of cats. I say family, I only have one, but he’s certainly demanding enough – he pretty much embodies Simon’s Cat, which if you’ve never watched it is absolutely amazing. I occasionally do some work for a local IT recruitment agency, because I’m a big techie geek, as well as a bit of freelancing, and you will usually find me glued to a host of techy entertainment blogs like Neatorama, engadget and, of course, Boing Boing.

You’ll also find me blogging about all sorts of things I may have watched that day because I’m a complete YouTube fiend and probably recommending music to you – but I’ll restrict this to an ‘Off-Topic Tuesday’…. not that any of my posts really have a topic.

Oh, and I like to ramble!

I’ve owned and guested on a load of blogs in the past, but it’s only now after uni that I’ve really been able to put in the effort and really appreciate the help from Bon and for her building the foundations to this site, which I really can’t wait to blog on and promote. Even if some of the fans have moved on from here, I’ll bring them back and we’ll bring Idearella back to the top!

That’s the first of my many ideas, anyway. Soon I’ll have a rant about vacuum cleaners – I bet you’re on the edge of your seat.

Currently listening to: L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N – Noah And The Whale

Oh, and follow me! https://twitter.com/#!/DanisDayOff

Image by Zellaby via Flickr

So as I carefully peel back the ‘4’ panel on my advent calendar, I am party to the festive joy of Christmas songs. Ah, you never tire of them, do you? No, wait, of course you do. It’s ALWAYS the same old nonsense – the Pogues, Slade, Wizzard and occasionally, the worst of all, a Christmas novelty song.

Depending on where you’re reading this (I’m in the UK, if you wanted to know), you may or may not have heard of the Cheeky Girls, two Transylvanian twins (yes, really) whose sole gimmick relies on the word ‘Cheeky’. I heard the first 30 seconds of this song before I practically resigned myself to bashing my head against the wall until it just stopped.

If you have any sense, you will not listen to this horror show… unless you’re curious, of course.

But, this isn’t to say that all Christmas songs are over-produced and obnoxious – there are a few that actually embody the festive spirit and bring Christmas cheer into my home. Here are my top 5 christmas songs, which you really should listen to…

5. Frosty The Snowman – Fiona Apple
Ah, this is just a lovely song sung by the ever-lovely Fiona Apple – whilst this doesn’t quite embody the excitement of Christmas, it’s just a cheery, quaint song. Great for when you’re feeling a bit too stressed with the shopping and family arguments.

4. Song For Ten – Murray Gold / Neil Hannon
Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am a massive Doctor Who fan, with my particular favourite Doctor being David Tennant. This song was composed for the Christmas special that introduced Tennant as the new Doctor and it’s sung by the magnificent Neil Hannon of the Divine Comedy, to boot!

3. All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey
Okay, I know, I said I hate overproduced songs – but you can’t dislike this song! It’s so energetic and adorable. Forgive me, fellow cynics!

2. It Feels Like Christmas – The Muppets
Oh man, oh man! The Muppets Christmas Carol is my favourite all-time Christmas movie ever! Admittedly I was terrified of the Ghost of Christmas Future when I was a kid, but it’s such a genuinely charming, delightful and festive film that you can’t dislike it. And this song just sums up the movie and always makes me feel warm, cheery and even a little big nostalgic. Oh no… I’m welling up.

1. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – Darlene Gold
Bring it back, Tremaine. Calm yourself. Now, I don’t know why I like this song, it’s actually awfully sad. But there’s a mysterious charm to it – I do love sad songs disguised as happy ones (see Mr E’s Beautiful Blues) and this has to be my favourite Christmas song. An added bonus is that whenever I hear this I know that I should be at home and will make the 3 hour journey to spend a couple of days with the family, because at the heart of it, that’s what Christmas is to me. Family, friends, food and festivity.

So there you go – that’s my Christmas playlist, what would be your top five songs for the festive period?

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Two blog posts in a single day? Oh dear readers, I’m spoiling you! Well, get used to it because I like to write. I’m a writing machine… well I’m not a typewriter, but I digress.

So what’s got my goat now? What’s grinding my gears? What’s pulling my figurative tail and mocking me with a smug grin? E-readers!

Okay, I understand why they’re popular – it’s all because of the iPad and the explosion in tablet popularity. I myself don’t own a tablet, because I just think they’re ridiculous and unnecessary – my friend mainly uses his for surfing the internet in bed, because apparently a netbook is just too fiddly (must be all those physical keys, eh?) but I just don’t see the point.

I can appreciate that an e-reader is great if you’re constantly travelling and don’t have time to nip home, or you’re an absurdly fast reader, and that you are able to buy cheap books online via their proprietary store applications. However, by doing this, you’re missing out on the joys of a book – the first time you crack the spine (speaking of which, Spine Breakers is a fantastic podcast!) or that old book smell – it’s all gone now… now it just smells faintly plasticy and whilst it would make a good cracking noise, is generally not recommended.

Maybe I’m just being a bitter old fogey, but it just seems wrong – I like to make notes in my books, scribble on the pages and, quite often, show off to the other people on the tram about the brilliant book I’m reading.

So what’s my idea here? Well, there isn’t one. This is undeniably the future and there is an unstoppable march of tablet PCs and e-readers – my local library even had a clearing out sale because it’s just not drawing the same number of visitors.

Yes, it’s clever technology, lighter than a big book and generally easier to buy than nipping down to a book shop, but it just makes me feel a little bit sad, and a lot more robotic. Maybe Asimov was onto something. Poor books.

I should also apologise for my ranting today – I’m not usually this bad, I just like having a new space to vent and shout and rargh. Feel free to comment, argue and disprove me!

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So this is hardly a new problem but it’s just one that really pervaded my film-watching experience recently. A few nights ago, I was watching Darren Aronofsky’s ‘Requiem for a Dream’ on the TV with a friend.

This film, if you haven’t seen it before, is a pretty gruelling experience that should leave you feeling hollow and empty, which is exactly how I felt when I first watched it (having rescued it from a bargain bin of dvd releases – seriously, what was it doing there? It’s a fantastic film!) My friend, however, said ‘it wasn’t really that bad’ – I just couldn’t understand her sentiments. I’m not going to go into the plot details because it really isn’t something you’d want to discuss, but let’s just say it IS THAT BAD.

We had a brief discussion about it and it quickly became apparent where the problem lay – the adverts. As with many of Aranofsky’s films ‘Requiem’ is quite slow-moving, deeply atmospheric and incredibly dark… so when you combine this with Fearne Cotton chasing around a Santa to a soundtrack of ‘Anything you can do, I can do better’, every single bit of tension or drama is lost.

It’s like reading a gripping novel and then halfway through someone snatches it away from you, does a silly dance, then expects you to pick up where you left off. They’re even doing it with the credit sequences now, as eloquently explained by Charlie Brooker here (strong language).

So, what’s my idea here? Well, despite being called Tremaine, I’m really not that evil – I’d just like there to be a rule that if you’re showing a film of this sort, stop the adverts! Or allow just one interval midway through – planting one in the climactic end scenes is just horrible!

Well, there’s my first rant over and done with. Oh, and hello new readers – I’m Tremaine and I’ve wrestled this blog from the lovely Idearella. Hope you enjoyed this post and look forward to even more ranting, blathering and general hoo-ha.

Gentlemen, you may fancy yourself expert panty removers but I’m about to reveal some underwear info I bet you didn’t know.  Yeah, you’re welcome.

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1. We all have period panties.  Even the hot girls.  Yes, and the chicks who go commando.  We each have a few pair of those roomy, tattered but comfy underpants that we don’t mind if they get stained and allow for the expanding girth.  Consider yourself warned.  If this was something you didn’t want to know in your efforts to keep us always sexy and feminine, then don’t go pokin’ around in the the ol’ panty drawer.

2.  Panties have dictated sex for many a single woman.  If she’s sporting granny panties or some ugly torn drawers, thinking she wasn’t going to see you that night, you are SOOO not getting laid.  No matter how bad she wants it.  UNLESS, she can figure out a way to ditch the ugly panties before the big reveal (club bathroom trash can, cuz she can’t do it at your house or jacket pocket – both true stories) OR she has a really super close friend (practically sister) who happens to have on great panties and is willing to switch.  I know this is disturbing, but as I tell Prince Assface, I am not responsible for my friends’ actions.

3.  Different outfits require different panties.  Some clothes require fullbacks while other mandate a thong.  And that’s just scratching the surface.  Color has to be considered and not just because it may show through.  When you’re trying to feel like a together on top of the world kinda women, you do not want to know that if you got in a wreck, EMS would find some hot pink cotton Tweety underwear on under your great black power suit.  Panties set a mood and I’m not referring to bow-chicka-bow-wow.  Like if I’m working out or wearing jeans or something kinda tuff girl sporty, it’s cotton all the way.  Plus, I and many other women I know like the panties to match the shirt.  All this to say, it’s a lot more complex than you guys ever thought.  We are projecting a mood, trying to create smooth lines, and matching.  No wonder why women are generally later than men.

4.  Lastly, beware the panty purist.  None of the aforementioned rules apply.  This girl found her brand, cut, and style years ago and does not waver.  This is a pragmatic woman who believes all problems have solutions.  She would not be caught dead in turquoise rhumbas for big girls or red and yellow boy shorts with HOT THANG printed on the crotch (so I’m not a purist, what?).  You also have what I refer to as semi-purists.  These are your strictly cotton girls.  They will have different colors and cuts – but all are 100% cotton.  These women are usually pretty straightforward chicks who still love to laugh.

Just so you know, I’m not proud of this or the amount of time I just took to write a post about panties. But it’s off my chest and in a public forum.  Yet another reason for my parents to hate the internet.

- The Ugly Stepsister