Ugh, I have to stop doing this. Every payday I think “Fantastic, I can go buy some new shoes”, spend a large portion of my wage and go on a few nights out until it gets past the halfway point in the month. That’s when I realise that I should have budgeted for the month and begin my money-saving crusade. Until I get paid when I then think I’m rich and splash out all over again.

Image via Wikipedia

It’s an unstoppable cycle – I can’t prevent myself spending, no matter how much willpower I summon, I just can’t do it. I even held my purse to the heavens and shouted ‘By the power of Greyskull’ (true story), but alas no luck.

This month was even worse. I bought shoes AND a new laptop, so guess what? I’m broke! Can’t even get my normal food shop in. Oh Tremaine, you are a fool. It’s happened before and I had to resort to asking my parents like a spoilt brat.

But this month will be different; I’ve made a conscious decision to give myself a bit of a booster and look into payday loans. They seem safer than getting out a credit card and I know I can pay them off right away.

Plus, now I get to force myself to do some budgeting – first thing: NO SHOES. Second thing: sell my old laptop. Third thing: do more work. It’s all well and good being a freelancer but it’s very much a get-paid-for-what-you-do deal, so if I’m being lazy, I get less than when I’m actually being pro-active. Makes sense I guess.

So next month, after I’ve paid back my loan, I’m going to create some sort of positive-reinforcement device to convince me that I don’t need shoes. In fact, my next blog post is going to be an exploration into how I could actually achieve this… diagrams and all. Bet you can’t wait!

(forewarning – I have a poor grasp of science)

Related articles

• Millions Use Payday Loans To Cover Mortgage (news.sky.com)

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday I was looking out the windows when it suddenly occurred to me – my window is filthy! Then I got to thinking ‘how on earth did windows become what they are today?’, because my mind is odd.

Windows are one of the most prominent features of any building and can usually determine what kind of architectural style the property with have, which is why choosing the right kind of windows is important. Today you can choose from over six centuries’ worth of double glazing windows styles, many of which have now been updated for modern use. Windows are a key ingredient in all buildings, but just how have they changed over time?

Pre-Sixteenth Century
Before the 16th century, most windows were just empty wooden frames covered by shutters that could be opened or closed. Only the wealthiest people could actually afford glass windows, and they usually consisted of small panes of glass that were held together with strips of lead. You can still see this kind of style on 16th century buildings today.

Sixteenth Century
Thanks to the Tudors, the 16th century was one of prosperity and so glass paned windows became more commonplace. The upper classes began to make their windows bigger to allow more light into their properties and the casement window emerged. This window had two separate timber frames that were hinged on either side and were made up of small panes of glass held together with wood, known as glazing bars. Either frame could be opened while the other remains closed. Though glass windows were still something the upper classes enjoyed, many less well-off families had them fitted in their homes.

Seventeenth Century
In the 17th century the House of Stuart reigned and brought with it a taste for the Italian renaissance. This affected absolutely everything in everyday society, especially architecture. The casement window was swapped for the cross-casement window – this style has four panes of a similar style, all of which are fixed apart from one that is hinged at the edge and can be opened outwards.

In the latter half of the 17th century sash windows became popular. These windows had two timber glazed frames, one at the bottom and one at the top, and had wooden glazing bars. These frames, or sashes, could be moved up and down and fixed in place with a block of wood. The double hung sash window used counter weights to allow the sashes to be opened and closed easily.

Eighteenth Century
In this century glass panes became much thinner, and so window thickness on the whole was reduced and the size of the window’s glazing bars also became smaller. By the late 18th century the first plate glass was produced, although it was so expensive that only the richest of the rich could afford it. By this time sash windows were much more affordable, so almost every house had them installed. Casement windows were only really used in rural areas by then, which accounts for today’s ‘cottage-style window’.

Nineteenth Century
The 19th century saw windows at their biggest yet, with many well-to-do households lowering the height of their 18th century windows to make them floor-length. French windows became popular and plate glass started to lower in price, so glazing bars started to get even smaller. There was a huge Tudor revival in architecture and many buildings again saw casement windows, although sash windows were still popular.

Twentieth Century
Architecture was overhauled again in the 20th century and many of the changes were caused by the First and Second world wars. Functionality became an overarching theme and many houses were fitted with modern-styled casement windows as a result. The Art Deco period called for modern windows using geometric and minimalist designs.

Later on, picture windows could be see everywhere and some larger buildings often had one wall made entirely of glass – this is called curtain walling. In the 1980s Panar glazing was invented, in which the glass is bolted together to forgo the use of a frame and now we’ve even moved onto upvc windows and doors.

Nowadays, you can have any one of these styles fitted in your home to create a unique look and atmosphere. Which do you think you’d choose?

Related articles

• Advantages Of All Double Glazing Windows (mydecorarticles.com)
• Awning Windows (mydecorarticles.com)
• Tilt and turn or double hung (ask.metafilter.com)
• Renovation Inspiration: Windows As Shower Doors (apartmenttherapy.com)
• Window replacement is a good energy upgrade (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Image by Furryscaly via Flickr

This post is not for the got-it-together people. This is for people like me. You want to be better but still struggle to floss on a regular basis and get up the energy to give a damn about hydrogenated oil.

I have tried the recycling gig. Got the containers and separated the cans, bottles, and papers. There they sat. Prince Assface got all whiny about loss of garage space and with no recycling pick-up, well… the whole thing just petered out. 

Doing everything green was just too overwhelming. Then I read an article (would love to give credit but have no idea what mag it was) that said you don’t have to start big or do it all at once.

I had to find things that were doable on a forever kind of basis. So here are the things I do that I can commit to. I plan to continue to add to this list.

Green for the Lazy Ass:

Of course do the swirly light bulbs. They are easy, cheap, AND apparently make a huge difference. Great green housewarming gift: resusable shopping bag packed with swirly light bulbs, a list of homemade cleaning products from the Web, and a couple of the green cleaning products ingredients. You look all Kermit-y and smart and you helped the environment. Yeah, you rock.

If you don’t use the resuable shopping bags, quit buying bathroom trashbags. Those plastic Wal-Mart sacks are the perfect size for a small bathroom wastebasket. Save money and resources!!!

Knock it off with the sandwich/snack bags already! If you are reading this, then you are like me so you are not going to rinse and reuse them. Buy your lunch-takers a sandwich container. To buy one container (lasts forever) is about the same cost as 100 baggies (not forever). No smashed sandwich to boot.

Quit making the Swifter people even richer. I have not yet given up my disinfectant wipes but I now make my own Swifter pads. Take your old towels and cut to size. They are better anyway as the knotty old terry cloth is a fantabulous grabber AND no bad chemicals.

Then after you do all these things, you tell two friends and they’ll… Yeah, you’ve seen the commercial. Maybe even buy a sandwich container for a friend.

- The Ugly Stepsister

Leave a comment

I have an acquaintance that I thought was a friend. Our children go to school together and we have a standing play date on Saturday mornings.

But every time the play date ends I walk away feeling horrible. Her tone and her body language are extremely condescending. So much so that I spend the remaining part of the afternoon in self-doubt and sometimes tears.

Apparently, her behavior is bullying, and it’s time for me to do something about it.

Yesterday I made the commitment to end this torture. It was difficult, as I’m not sure she has many friends. I begin feeling guilty at the thought of “dumping her”. But this is the same problem that people fall into when dealing with a mean partner or spouse. It scares me, also, that I will have to see her every day when dropping off and picking up Daughter.

The way I see it, I have two choices. I could tell her that being with her makes me feel ugly inside. I fear this will be met with more condescension.

My second choice is to stop seeing her.

Saying, “I feel yukky inside when I’m around you.”

My mini flowchart starts like this:

1. I tell her that being with her is not a positive experience.
2. I tell her which parts of her behavior make me feel this way.

Then it might conclude like this…

3A. She says that she doesn’t realize that she does it, and she appreciates the feedback. She commits to making a change.
4A. We continue our play dates with a sense of peace.

Or it could go this way…

3B. She rolls her eyes and condescendingly tells me that that’s ridiculous.
4B. I inform her I can’t see her anymore. I walk away.

I am quite disturbed that there is no certain route in this flowchart. As a control freak myself, it’s difficult going into a situation without knowing the outcome. This option is a clear jump out of my comfort zone.

Saying, “I can’t see you anymore.”

I can completely avoid the uncertainty in the above situation if I merely tell her that I’m starting a new diet and exercise plan that will take me away from our Saturday morning play dates. The problem with this, is that if I don’t lose weight over the next month while she sees me every day at school, the jig is up.

Furthermore, why should I have a jig at all? Lying and avoiding her is easier initially, but could get hairy down the road.

So what shall I do?

While I make that decision, I’m going to avoid today’s play date. A simple, “Something’s come up so I can’t meet today” should suffice. This won’t work long-term, as it will add more stress and anxiety for me.

I know I should tell her. I should tell her today. It will free me up for the rest of the week. But I’m scared.

Have you been in this situation? Will you share your outcome?

And just in case you’re wondering, she “doesn’t read blogs,” as she’s told me a number of times while rolling her eyes. So I’m not concerned that she’ll read this. Although if she does, it might be good.

This is the debut post from our new author: The Ugly Stepsister. Read about her in the About page.

For the last month I’ve been considering my New Year’s Resolutions. You know, pick yourself apart, examine how badly you sucked last year, and how you broke all those promises to yourself. This year I am doing it different.

After observing my husband and several other men, I have decided that the problems (extra weight, unhealthy diet, guilt, poor self image, just to name a few) are in my approach, not necessarily my execution. So, no more resolutions for me, just one hopefully life-altering mantra to live by. And everything else will fall into place.

I will live like one of the guys!

No, gentlemen, this is not some male bashing harangue sponsored by a bitter female (that’s for a later post). This is my white flag. I am giving in to the simple way of your thinking. Your thinking that is without guile and manipulation. AKA “Those pants don’t make you look fat; you make you look fat.” I am adopting a male attitude towards the things that have been holding me back.

Here are the new life changing rules:

I am not being good or bad when I eat a particular food. I am not a good mom or bad mom. There’s no more good or bad.

I have never ever ever heard Prince Assface simper, “I had a bad eating day.” Nor does he mindlessly nosh on pizza, fries, burgers and cheesecake and bemoan its badness, or his badness for enjoying it. He eats and enjoys.

I spend too much time thinking about what I want to eat or do eat. No more! I’m not going to lose out on what is in front of me. If I have chosen it, I will enjoy it to the fullest.

I am done saying “I was a bad mom today because I didn’t ______”. Men seem to be able to look at events with a more overall scorecard.

Nobody got killed, alright. Let’s call it a day.

Here is a man giving another man a compliment:

Dude 1: Nice truck.

Dude 2: Thanks!

End of story. Not the case with us females. We have a secret language that generally goes a little something like this:

Chick 1: You look great. Have you lost weight?

Chick 2: I wish. I feel so fat!

Chick 1: OMG, you don’t know fat. I have gained so much weight but I wouldn’t even notice my weight if I had skin like yours.

Chick 2: <and so on…>

Notice with dudetalk – compliment given, compliment accepted. Chicktalk, not so much.

I’m now going to accept compliments like Dude 2. I’ll smile confidently and say Thanks – nothing more required.

And just so you know, when I say you look great, YOU DO!

Prince Assface and The Duke of Farts went to lunch the other day. The Duke called the Prince tubby. There were no crying jags or chocolate binges following this. Really.

I even asked Prince Assface if it hurt his feelings. He said no. He said he’s gained weight since high school. He also said the Duke of Farts ain’t missed any meals either…

Boys seem to consider the source and the truth of the matter at hand. They decide if they are ready to make a change and proceed accordingly.

I don’t want to be a justifying female to myself or anyone else. Kinda like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You. No more excuses to allay my fears or soften blows that allow me to dwell in mediocrity.

Conclusion

Almost three years ago my father had a massive stroke. In the time since her stroke, my sisters and I have faced many obstacles. So many times we have looked at each other and said, “It is what it is”.

Generally when we said this, we were surrending to the obstacle. The real challenge lies in accepting the IT and IS without guilt or thinking it to death and knowing when to surrender and when to get back at it.

And that, my dear ‘rellas, is a work in progress.

The IT and the IS is life. If nobody got killed, just call it day, not good or bad, just a day.

Do you ever have a bad communication day? That was my day on Monday. I turned it into a learning opportunity, despite the amount of tears, anger and frustration it caused.

Here’re my take-aways from the day:

Be clear.

Write down action items before you leave a meeting. Recap meetings with a follow-up e-mail stating clearly what you believe to be the next action items. I walked out of a meeting two weeks ago with a clear understanding of what was to happen next. Apparently my clear understanding was wrong. I had a horribly negative experience Monday trying to explain, understand and amend that misunderstanding.

Communicate your expectations of others clearly, in writing if necessary. I learned from a former colleague to preface e-mail subject lines with, “ACTION REQUIRED:” or “ACTION REQUESTED:” This helps people scan their e-mails and know that there is something specific that they must do.

In your personal life, you can apply this as well. If the decision is made to move forward with plan, write it down. In a relationship there is often differing ways to “understand” the next steps and action items in a plan. It may seem too professional or non-romantic to write down your understandings with a friend or lover. But it will improve your lives together immensely.

Acknowledge when you’re wrong.

If you forget to think before you speak, pause to confirm that you don’t mean it. Then retract it.

If you caused confusion, acknowledge and remedy it. Don’t blame someone else’s confusion on them. I worked with a technical trainer in Oklahoma who would often say, “It is clear to me that I’m not communicating this properly. I am so sorry. Let me think about it some and maybe I can come up with a better way to explain it to you.” I so admired that.

If your life or workflow is interrupted by someone’s confusion, don’t blame them. They didn’t act maliciously. It’s likely they were unclear on your expectations.

If you need something, it’s your responsibility to make sure you get it. If you don’t, own that fault.

Acknowledge when you’re wrong, only when you’re wrong.

If you were the confused party, ask for clarification when you see your confusion. But don’t feel guilty if you thought you were clear and realize later that there was a miscommunication.

On Monday, I learned I had been mistaken in what was expected of me. I took the blame and accepted chastisement and condescending remarks. I shouldn’t have. I followed the plan as I understood it. I didn’t know that I didn’t understand the right plan.

Conclusion

Communication is a two-way street. Sometimes there’s a crash on that two-way street, but it’s not the fault of only one person. Clarify in writing all expectations. If you mess up – own your part. And the part you didn’t mess up? That’s the other person’s. Don’t let them give it to you.

What do you think? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments.

As I sit here sipping coffee and waiting for iMovie to publish, I wonder what’s happened to my world in the last three years.

I’m not a change management expert, but I play one in life.

Three years ago I had a different job, no children, and my hobby was knitting. I awoke every morning at 4:15 to head to the gym with my shiny new husband. I was a member of a number of clubs and boards at work and “off campus.” I spent Saturdays training for races and raising money for TEAM in Training.

Now I wake at 3am to write or video a post for one of four blogs. I head to my new job, where there’s always another thing to learn. In between projects, I have conference calls for boards and committees I’m on. I spend Saturdays racing after Daughter, trying to shop for groceries, and planning the next week’s blog posts.

When I was 20 I connected with the quote, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” I wasn’t even aware of the full truth of the statement. “Life” is the default. The plans are the way we try to mitigate it.

What are your defaults?

Your defaults could be the need for travel, the need for financial stability and control, wanting to do crafts, doing something with your hands (including knitting or smoking), needing to be touched, joining clubs, needing to feel valuable… The list goes on.

I am a volunteer by default. I was about to sign up to be the leader of the Houston Chapter of Webgrrls when I remembered this. So I have to stop myself. Reset that parameter.

I am a learning addict. I’m not a “lifelong learner” like you hear some people tout. I am an addict. Tell me there’s a new web based application out there, I want on it. What’s it about? How can I use it? How can I twist it? Is it programmable? I want it. I learned to write iPhone apps, just to see if I could. (I can.)

How do you know your real defaults?

I always thought that I was a cyclical hobbyist. Sister-in-law asked me yesterday if I’ve ever cycled back to a hobby. I haven’t. This made me think – am I a cyclical hobbyist or is there something more?

I choose hobbies because the provide something else to learn. Once I’ve learned enough to satisfy me, I move on to the next thing. I’ve realized in the last 12 hours that I’m a learning addict.

Be careful to identify your real defaults. And accept the fact that you could get them wrong. Keep looking for them and they’ll eventually show their true nature.

How can you adjust your parameters?

What do you do if your defaults are destructive? Volunteering too much and spending my life with my face in a computer takes its toll on my life and family.

Make it a point to know your defaults and remind yourself of them. Often. Decide, consciously, how you will deal with them. Adjust your parameters – even though they might reset themselves, keep trying.

I have decided that in order to volunteer for something, I have to stop volunteering for something else. I’m part of the OTC The Next Wave planning committee. In May, my time as chair ends so my volunteering for that will decrease to only being on the committee. The time and energy commitment will decrease. I’ll have space to volunteer for something else.

I haven’t figured out how to mitigate my learning addiction. Of course I just learned about this default in the last 12 hours.

Conclusion

Each person has a certain set of defaults. You can change your parameters but they always reset themselves back to the default eventually.

This doesn’t mean that you must sit by and live with them. Constantly seek to reassign the parameters. Just because life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, doesn’t mean you stop planning.

What are your defaults? How do you mitigate them? Share them in the comments.

This is a guest post from Julia “Infomum” Greenwood from Bloggers Anon.

Jonathan Manor wrote a great article on this site called 5 Ways to Be a Digital Minimalist. One of the things he mentioned was pruning your twitter list so you’re following a maximum of 150 people.

That got me thinking about my own twitter list, which had blown to an excessive 890 people I was following.

I had no idea who 870 of these people were; nor why I was following. I know how I began following them. It was my friendly personality which meant I simply followed anyone who followed me. So why was I following them?

I never read their posts, so what benefit did they achieve from having me follow them? That got me to thinking further about twitter as a communication device.

If we’re all shouting into the echo chamber of twitter and none of us are reading what each other is tweeting because we simply can’t keep track of that many people, why are we doing it?

One answer that comes to mind is that it looks good when people visit our page and they see that there are hundreds, even thousands following us and we are following almost that many in return. But does it really look good?

What does your following list say about you? Do you only follow people in your niche who generally have something worthwhile to say? Or do you follow anyone who comes along? Worse, do you use one of those automated follow programs?

As I was ruthlessly culling my 890 followed down to 15 I looked at some of them and thought “I am trying to build a reputation here as an authoritative person on networking and communication and here I am slashing hundreds off my list.”

Then I realized that I didn’t really want to be known as someone who follows people who sell adult toys, warez, and goodness knows what else I had unknowingly clicked on.

So they all went. But that doesn’t mean I am not a networker, it means that I am discriminating in whom I network with.

What about you? Are you really following all those people because you hang on every word they say?
If not, then be ruthless and cut loose the dead wood and those connections that adversely affect your image.

What does your twitter following list say about you?

Julia Greenwood, otherwise known as Infomum writes a blog for all those small bloggers out there who may feel anonymous in the crowded blogosphere. Aptly named Bloggers Anon her focus is on communication, networking and building positive partnerships in order to become visible. She also writes general interest articles for diversity.

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and whatever comes next. Are you able to handle them all?

Here are six options to get you through and keep you connected, with minimal time expenditure.

Get up one hour earlier on Sunday morning. Enjoy a steaming cup of Joe at your computer while you browse updates from the previous week.

Long drawn-out discussions over many weeks are acceptable in this new eWorld. Ages ago, people would write letters back and forth and it would take a week to get to each conversationalist. Allow your twitter account to be like this.

You don’t want to have 1 million updates go out all at the same time. Use a service like www.HootSuite.com to schedule your updates and responses for the week to avoid this.

Take the first or last 15 minutes of your day or 15 minutes of your lunch hour to check your accounts. Pick a time that always works, and stick with it. Make it a habit.

You don’t need to schedule responses and updates ahead of time when you’re doing them each day. If it’s a struggle on the weekends, skip them. Or use the narcissistic way, discussed below, on the weekends.

Every time you take a potty break, bring your smartphone with you. No one knows that you’re there. Unless, of course, you tweet for someone to bring you more toilet paper.

Be careful on this one. If you start to get addicted to your social networking sites, your bottom could go to sleep, or things could dry and cake before you have a chance to properly tend to them.

Set a timer for 55 minutes and work. When the timer goes off, reset it for 5 minutes and open up your TweetDeck. Respond to as many updates as you can before the alarm goes off again.

You’ll be surprised at how much you get done.

When the alarm goes off, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Don’t finish. Don’t read one more. Close the window on your computer.

If you get a task done in less time than you anticipated, allow yourself a few minutes as reward.

Set a timer, though. If you have 10 minutes left in the hour, don’t take more than that. Follow the same rules from number four, above.

Choose any plan above for tackling responses. For outgoing tweets from your own brain, do them any time.

Don’t use a real-time social networking application, though. You don’t want to be tempted to see what other people are writing.

Text message to 40404 to tweet, and have your Twitter updates go to Facebook and LinkedIn. You can also use a smart phone app. I use Tweeter for the iPhone. It’s not longer available but I found Tweet Now that works exactly the same way.

Conclusion

All of these can be mixed and matched. Choose one for weekdays and another for weekends. Try different combinations over the next month or two, and figure out what works. The key is to build a habit and stick with it.

Do you already have your habit established? Share it in the comments. If not, what will you try first?

A big thanks to Lubos for the post suggestion.

This is a guest post from Jonathan Manor of The Titan Project.

Several days ago, in the year 2010, legions of people found themselves acquainted with the word, “minimalism.” Minimalism, a one word buzzword lifestyle adjustment, blew up across blogs and ebooks, blanketing across lifestyle design writers and readers. It was associated with other buzz words such as, location independent, online sustainability, and flash packing. Everywhere people were throwing away their things, taking separate pictures of every item they owned, and living out of a duffle bag, as if it were a race to poverty.

The term location independent at some point rings in our ears somewhat like the word “homeless.” However, it isn’t just about getting rid of everything you own, it’s about a sweet angelic term that rolls off our tongue like a shimmer of morning sunlight. It’s about clarity.

Minimalist bloggers are sprouting up in every direction, but at the reigns of minimalist writing are Colin Wright and Everrett Bogue. Bogue’s blog has a deep respect for “the moment.” He talks endlessly about how humanity is all about hustle and bustle, busy, busy, busy, and how most people never have the moment to sit down and enjoy where they are. He chooses to only work 2 hours a day.

Wright’s blog further mentions the inspiration behind traveling and being engorged by the lambent beauty found all over the world. In my earlier stages as a blogger I wrote a review of Wright’s blog.

Bogue owns 100 items; Wright, 55. They’ve both learned to make a sustainable living through the Internet. By breaking the 9 to 5 work day, they’ve basically found a way to have infinite free time. Without desk jobs holding them down, without material possessions crowding their homes, they find themselves encased by freedom. They have the clarity to practically do whatever they want.

Me, I’m not your textbook minimalist. I don’t sustain a living online and I don’t travel much. My blog is about doing what you want despite the need for approval by others. It’s sort of like minimalism, cutting things out of your life to make room to think for yourself, but, even though I hope to find myself there, I myself am not a fully blown out minimalist, yet. I do, however, find ways to take advantage of it’s practices.

I’ve found the following tips from the Internet along with ones I’ve thought of personally, and integrate them all into my life as a way to get organized and more importantly, unclutter my digital life so I have room to think about things.

Dunbar’s law says it is impossible to keep in touch with more than 150 people at a time.

Old files left on the desktop is basically like leaving garbage on the floor. I only leave my Evernote and my Tweetdeck on my desktop.

If you haven’t responded to an email in a week, you’re probably going to see that same email in a year. Delete it or reply with something small.

Your toolbars shouldn’t be engorged with different saved pages and a billion apps. You practically only need the address toolbar.

When you work on something, work on that one thing. By trying to work on multiple things at a time, you’re only going to add stress and lose your sense of direction. Remember to work on one task at a time.

We could all find ways to incorporate minimalism in our lives. By uncluttering ourselves, we make room for the things we actually want to do.

What areas will you start with? Let me know in the comments area.

Jonathan Manor is a lifestyle design blogger who emphasizes on letting go of information overload and learning the truth as individuals. He’s an unconventional thinker focused on breaking traditional methods. He writes at The Titan Project. Follow him on Twitter.