10 Reasons to Leave the Seat Up


©2010 Bon Crowder

Husband and I had a discussion before we were married about the position of the toilet seat. The inequities of traditional “put the seat down” behavior baffled us both. We decided that at Maintenon, we would each leave the seat in the relative position that we use it. Thus the optimal state of fairness is achieved.

I have learned that leaving the seat up has its perks. Here they are:

1

 

It inspires you to clean your toilet.

Keep it closed and you never see the gross splashies on the underside of the lid (yes, they are there and yes, they are gross). Keep it open and you’ll clean it often.

2

 

It saves money.

If you have pets, you only need to buy a food bowl. Save that money that you would spend on a water bowl by leaving the seat up. And the pets get a constant flow of fresh water!

3

 

It is environmentally friendly.

Because you’re letting the animals drink from the toilet bowl, you can’t use harmful chemicals to keep the water blue. It is better for the environment to use green cleaning agents and you will, lest Fluffy will die.

4

 

It provides entertainment.

Invite lady friends over and listen for their screams as they fall in.

5

 

It reminds you that there’s a man in the house.

Some might not find this as wonderful as I, but having a man around (especially a tall one) is nice. When I have to put the toilet seat down, I am reminded that the handsome hunk Husband is around.

6

 

It keeps you on your toes.

Fall in a few times, it’s okay. It adds a little excitement to your life.

7

 

It is educational.

Water is one of the most amazing things to a small child. No need to invest in one of those play tables and send junior outside. Just leave the seat up and he’ll find his way to the explore-a-bowl. (And again you’re saving money.)

8

 

It inspires you to watch where you put your bottom.

I knew a guy who had a snake come up his toilet. Wouldn’t you want to know about that before you sat? If you always checked the position of the seat before you sat, you would know about that.

9

 

It supports emergency preparedness.

What if you have a massive heart attack and die? Will your kiddos and pets be in the house for an extended period of time? If so, they will have a great means of hydration if the toilet seat is up. You probably should develop the plan further, though. If they are left too long, they’ll all be munching on your rotting corpse.

10

 

It frees up cash for more beer.

With the money you saved on pet water bowls, children’s water play tables and emergency preparedness items, you’ll have a bunch of extra money to buy more beer.

11

 

It makes you look cool.

People are amazed that you have the best woman in the world – one that doesn’t nag about putting the seat down.

See? There are tons of benefits to leaving the seat up! Whatcha think?

5 Responses to 10 Reasons to Leave the Seat Up
  1. tammy
    September 23, 2010 | 6:19 am

    dog eating my rotting corpse. Knew there was a reason I don’t have a dog

    • Idearella
      September 29, 2010 | 5:05 am

      I’m here to help.

  2. George
    September 29, 2010 | 5:04 am

    This one goes to 11.

    • Idearella
      September 29, 2010 | 5:05 am

      Spinal Tap!

      And indeed, I can’t count.

      Thanks, George!

  3. MaryFran Devine
    November 6, 2010 | 11:34 pm

    This is hilarious. You must have been in a good mood.

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